jastone
14.01.2003, 17:15
Hab diesen Text eben auf ner Website gezeigt bekommen :D
"Is there some kind of fucking law that states all cab drivers must smell like body odour? Is there some kind of test that these fuckheads have to pass to make sure that the odour emanating off of their unwashed body is so god damn foul that anyone who gets into the car will gag on their own tongues? Do they have to smell like the inside of a dogs ass to get their cabbie permit?
I was taking a taxi to my yearly prostate exam (which I look forwards to because it's the closest thing to sex I ever get) when my cabbie let out a rank awful fart. Kind of a little trumpet playing in his pants, just for me. Toot! Now I like to consider myself a pretty level headed person (total lie) who can deal with other peoples bodily functions in a mature manner, but I fucking lost it once that fermented methane aroma hit my nostrils.
It smelled like hot garbage on a summers day, the kind of smell that makes you dry heave and dizzy. Imaging sticking your head into the toilet after your mother took a hot liquid dump and then being forced at gunpoint to swish said feces in your mouth and you wouldn't even come close to the way this third world fart smelled. I didn't know what kind of fart smelling etiquette to follow, so I just screamed out at the top of my lungs "JESUS CHRIST MAN, DID YOU JUST TAKE A DUMP IN YOUR PANTS?" The asshole actually started laughing. Well, at least I think those gurgling noises were laughter. He actually had the audacity to turn around, smiling and say "What? You don't like the music of the ass violin?" He then keep driving as if nothing happened.
We came to a red light and I threw up in the back of the cab and jumped out of the car. I ran faster than any white boy has ran before. I didn't look back for fear of turning into a pillar of soiled cabbie undies, and kept running until I passed out. When I regained consciousness I decided that I'm never taking a cab again. Ever."
"Is there some kind of fucking law that states all cab drivers must smell like body odour? Is there some kind of test that these fuckheads have to pass to make sure that the odour emanating off of their unwashed body is so god damn foul that anyone who gets into the car will gag on their own tongues? Do they have to smell like the inside of a dogs ass to get their cabbie permit?
I was taking a taxi to my yearly prostate exam (which I look forwards to because it's the closest thing to sex I ever get) when my cabbie let out a rank awful fart. Kind of a little trumpet playing in his pants, just for me. Toot! Now I like to consider myself a pretty level headed person (total lie) who can deal with other peoples bodily functions in a mature manner, but I fucking lost it once that fermented methane aroma hit my nostrils.
It smelled like hot garbage on a summers day, the kind of smell that makes you dry heave and dizzy. Imaging sticking your head into the toilet after your mother took a hot liquid dump and then being forced at gunpoint to swish said feces in your mouth and you wouldn't even come close to the way this third world fart smelled. I didn't know what kind of fart smelling etiquette to follow, so I just screamed out at the top of my lungs "JESUS CHRIST MAN, DID YOU JUST TAKE A DUMP IN YOUR PANTS?" The asshole actually started laughing. Well, at least I think those gurgling noises were laughter. He actually had the audacity to turn around, smiling and say "What? You don't like the music of the ass violin?" He then keep driving as if nothing happened.
We came to a red light and I threw up in the back of the cab and jumped out of the car. I ran faster than any white boy has ran before. I didn't look back for fear of turning into a pillar of soiled cabbie undies, and kept running until I passed out. When I regained consciousness I decided that I'm never taking a cab again. Ever."